For the first time in years, as I dressed for an evening out, while preparing I noticed my gold jewelry clashing with the platinum silver I wear daily. Being compelled by my undiagnosed OCD, I took off the platinum which included my cross. Later that evening when I returned home and got back into my daily gear I couldn't quite remember where I had placed my jewelry. I was having a rare, often told urban myth, a proverbial senior moment! But also in my defense, I am a gemstone e-commerce retailer, so yeah..jewelry is important, especially its whereabouts!
I panicked and prayed at the same time, wildly searching my bedroom specifically for my cross when (despite the adrenaline rush) I queried "did my panic have a dual meaning?" I had to have my cross for psychological sanity! "Am I an idolater?" Was I no longer true in faith because I removed the cross I'd worn for years?" And through all my levels of doubt and panic, through the ravaging of home and hearth, I stopped long enough to hear an internal voice calmly say "It’s not what you wear on your heart, it’s what’s in the heart that matters”. Something so simple, yet never acknowledged by me until now. I felt immediate relief and understood my cross was only a symbol of my belief. How I feel and treat others should build through Christ intrinsically and my actions reflect His teachings externally.
Have you found yourself like me searching for something you believed completely represented who and what you are, only to learn it's only a symbol of who you are or what you believe? Or an even harsher reality- that person, place or thing never reflected your beliefs, values, hopes or dreams at all. Whether we feel protection, comfort or courage from certain people , places or things, these are gifts that should come from within through our relationship with Christ. I think we all know this, we sometimes simply forget.
Although I still work hard to earn my "glam" pieces, I do realize that the material blessings I have can't compare to the internal courage, comfort and peace one can have through faith, worship and obedience to God. It's such a blessing to know and love Jesus!
I want to encourage you to discover your intrinsic cross. That internal thought, feeling or action that calibrates you with God, His sacrifices and his purpose for your life.
As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man.
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart
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