Ready...Set...Whoa!
Are you accidentally bringing yesterday's baggage into tomorrow's blessings? Dive into a candid conversation on emotional readiness, letting go of lingering past frustrations, and preparing your heart for the healthy relationships and new beginnings God has in store.
RELATIONSHIPS
Ready, Set...Whoa!
I met a friend for dinner recently. Since the pandemic, it's been hard to see and keep up with friends and family, and I know you understand how easily life’s demands drift us apart. Because of that, it was a true blessing to sit across the table, see a familiar smiling face, enjoy a good glass of wine and a meal, and catch up on recent changes in our lives.
As we talked, however, I noticed my friend's mood shift. A wave of frustration and irritation swept across a face that had just moments before been lit up with laughter as we exchanged old college stories, family escapades, and all the things that make life interesting.
After the third text message and another deep scowl, I couldn't help but ask, "What's wrong?"
My frat brother finally admitted he was still locked in a heated emotional battle with his ex-wife.
"Are you serious?" I asked. "You guys have been divorced four years—what could you possibly still be at odds about?"
He mentioned several lingering, unresolved issues, swallowed his wine, and immediately ordered a scotch. He was visibly stressed. As he gulped his scotch, he shook his head in resignation and asked, "Why haven't you introduced me to one of your close friends, your sister, or somebody? It's hard out here in the dating world. Every woman I meet seems to have the exact same issues as my ex!"
I just smiled at my good friend and posed a few questions of my own: "So, when you're advising clients on investments, I'm sure you do the heavy research. You prepare yourself meticulously. I've always noticed you're constantly working on something post-research. So, tell me... what have you done to prepare yourself for your next relationship?"
He looked at me as if it had never once occurred to him that preparation would be required to find, learn, and keep a healthy partner, or to keep a new relationship intact. He had simply assumed that they would cross paths, and with the "right" person, everything would magically fall into place—no work, no fuss. He was completely ignoring the anger, frustration, mistrust, and confusion I had just watched play across his face as he dealt with his ex-wife over text.
Many of us don't recognize the volatile emotions we still hold from past hurts and trauma, yet we emanate that exact energy in everything we do or say. Some of us do understand that we are hurt and angry, but we find a bizarre comfort zone in that discomfort, sitting in our own sorrow simply because we are afraid to prepare for our next journey. We whisper to ourselves: What if someone hurts me again? What if it doesn't work out... again?
Because of that fear, you don't grow, change, or evolve. You fail to recognize your true emotions or comprehend the necessary lessons. You end up "stuck" in low energy. Sometimes we don't even notice that negative cloud surrounding us, but others certainly do. That lack of self-awareness and failure to do the hard emotional work make building new, healthy relationships nearly impossible to create and enjoy. I had to lay that reality out for my forlorn, angry friend.
God wants us all to stand in faith and call on Him to help us understand the lessons life brings our way. He teaches us how to practice acceptance and offer genuine forgiveness, even in the worst of times—even when we face the devastating challenge of watching what we believed was the beginning of the rest of our life come to a crashing end. He offers comfort, understanding, and peace, no matter what you may experience.
But we must be willing to take the steps to meet Him halfway. God cannot plant seeds of blessings in fallowed, unprepared ground.
So the next time you bow your head and pray that prayer of want, need, or desire, remember to pause and ask yourself: "Am I truly ready?" many blessings
S.K. Caraway, Director
thesonyakarolfoundation.org
1 Peter 3:15 But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,
Proverbs 24:27 Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house