Standing Guard...

I recently spoke with an old college sorority sister and friend who lamented to me that after several years of recovering from an abusive, neglectful relationship which ended very badly—and after losing all hope of ever experiencing a spark of attraction again—she had possibly met the man of her dreams. Yet, her immediate instinct was to cut the encounter short and dismantle any potential before it could even begin.

After much prayer and discussion covering everything from men and families to the lingering echoes of the pandemic years, I finally asked her what she honestly thought was preventing her from pursuing these new possibilities. Without missing a beat, she reeled off a long list of flaws and imperfections she had carefully cataloged about him.

I smiled to myself, realizing then and there that my dear friend had buried her heart deep beneath the surface and was now "Standing Guard." She had armed herself with a checklist of trivial faults, ensuring that nothing—and no man—would ever be able to penetrate her defenses and reach her vulnerable soul again..

Many of us seeking a friend, companion, and partner struggle with emotional scars and fear. It is that quiet, heavy terror that the heart simply cannot endure another chip or crack—that you are operating on structural damage, and one more disappointment might make it impossible to put the pieces back together. Alongside that fear lives a lingering, stubborn anger. You believed in someone who let you down, someone who looked you in the eye and broke your trust, leaving you to clean up the wreckage of misplaced faith.

That anger feels protective. It feels like a sentinel standing at the gate, keeping watch so you never get blindsided the same way twice. But until we actively forgive and release both that anger and those fears, we remain stuck in a loop. We sabotage the very connections we pray for, holding new people accountable for old crimes, and ultimately missing the blessings and opportunities God is trying to place right in front of us.

God cannot plant a seed in fallowed ground. In agriculture, leaving a field fallow means letting it rest, but if that soil is choked with weeds, thorns, and unplowed hardness, nothing new can take root. The ground must be cleared, turned over, and tended before any new life can grow. Our hearts require the same harrowing work. When we refuse to deal with the debris of past heartbreak, we leave the soil of our souls choked out by bitterness and self-protection. Surrendering the pain to God isn't about excusing what broke you; it's about clearing the weeds so He can finally cultivate something healthy, lasting, and new.

Don't permit fear and anger to blind you to the new possibilities God can—and sometimes, if we are truly prepared, will—offer. When we are wrapped in self-protection, we often miss the quiet openings He creates because we are too busy scanning the horizon for the next threat. For believers, every challenge is an opportunity to watch His strength show up in our weakness. Every blow makes us a little stronger, and every hurt, no matter how sharp, serves as an instructor in the art of profound forgiveness. Even anger, when surrendered, can teach us deep tolerance, showing us our own capacity for grace because we desperately need it ourselves.

Give Him some time today. He is so worthy of your quiet moments, your honest tears, and your worship and prayers.

Many blessings.

S.K. Caraway, Director

thesonyakarolfoundation.org

1 Corinthians 13:7

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.